Becoming a mother

A baby is so much more than a baby…

A precious bundle wrapped up warm,

New to this world as they weather the storm,

The beginning of life, the creation of a mum,

Their birth, your ‘birth’, together as one

Changing you not only in kind, but literally changing your mum brain mind

Cells migrating between placenta & brain

Growing and aiding again and again

Intuitive, natural, and awe-inspiring by design

Nipples that detect antigens to ensure baby is fine

Milk made by mothers, precious and divine

A tiny human, can’t believe that you’re mine

A milk taker, sleep waker, milk taker, sleep waker, milk taker, sleep waker, heart breaker

Your greatest achievement and your biggest pain,

Though the memory fades so you can do it again

The years are short, but the nights are long

Learning song after song after song after song

Lullabies to bring sleep at the end of a day

Happy songs to wish heartache away,

Nursery rhymes both familiar and new

There’s nothing I wouldn’t learn to sing for you

Fiercely protective, is this mama bear

A fire inside me is stoked as I care

For this helpless infant, so tiny and small

Working the world out, emotions and all

As they figure out how to touch, hear and see

They figure out how to communicate with me

My task never over, more learning to do,

As I play and I listen and I learn what to do

The best job in the world, but the hardest for sure

As you grow and you want more and more and more

The physiology of love

They say there are certain physiological effects of love

That science shows can change your body

Warp your perception

Apparently elevated levels of dopamine cause a single-minded focus on your “new love” and an overestimation of their uniqueness

But that cannot be the reason I find you so enchanting

A spike in noradrenaline, a chemical associated with increased memory in the presence of new stimuli is making me focus on the positive and ignore the negatives

But that cannot be the reason I think you are perfect

Mood swings paralleling the behaviour of drug addicts, bouncing between euphoria, exhilaration, sleeplessness and anxiety are common due to the areas of the brain that are stimulated

But that cannot be the reason my mind is all over the place

Neurotransmitters surging through my body, as if I was high, making me physically crave you, needing to spend time with you like an addiction

But that cannot be the reason I want to be near you

Decreasing levels of central serotonin causing “intrusive thinking”, obsessive behaviours, making me muse over you for many of my waking hours

But that cannot be the reason I can’t get you out of my head

I want to

I want to fuck you like you are my lifeblood

Kiss you like you are the oxygen I need to breathe

Dive into you like I am exploring the ocean blue

Delving deep deep down

I want to love the self-doubt out of your soul

Touch you so tenderly that you never forget this feeling

Open you up like my favourite book

Thumbing the pages fondly

I want to feel you inside me like my own heartbeat

My hands soft on your face and in your warm, wet cunt

My fingers the match that sets you on fire

Skin burning hot

I want to consume you like my last meal

Eat you up like I have been starving for months

My mouth relishing your flavours

Savouring your taste

I want to feel the physical ache of needing you

The exquisite pain of seeing you but not being able to reach you

Desire you like my favourite treat

Crave you like a drug

This was not part of the plan

It is delightfully decadent desiring you

Frightfully frustrating fancying you

Incredibly inconvenient being infatuated with you

⁃ This was not part of the plan!

It is unfortunately untimely being utterly into you

Astoundingly awkward adoring you

Terribly tormenting being turned on by you

⁃ This was not part of the plan!

It is consumingly counterproductive being captivated by you

Perceptibly pertinent being preoccupied by you

Surprisingly startling being spellbound by you

⁃ This was not part of the plan!

It is markedly magnificent being mesmerised by you

Embarrassingly early on to be enchanted by you

Levelly left-field being in love with you

⁃ This was not part of the plan!

And you know I like a plan – laid out, lined up, a schedule, a list

But that went out of the window the first time that we kissed

This was not part of the plan – but then the best things often are not

Sneaking up on us, creating a story with the most frustrating plot

My logical brain knows this must come to an end

But my heart and my mind cannot comprehend

⁃ Falling in love with you, was not part of the plan!

The corners of your mouth arch upwards into a smile, playing on your soft lips like a small child in a sunny forest glade – uninhibited and free

Your dimples appear, shy at first, hinting at the fun we have shared, laughing together like no-one else existed or mattered – un-self conscious and true

Your eyes sparkle and come alive, glistening with emotion like dew on a morning leaf, belying the depth of your feelings – unexpected and new

Your heart beats faster, I can feel it through your chest like the beat of a drum being played by a musician full of joy – basic and unedited

At home

My soul feels at home in yours –

Settling in for a quiet night by the fire

Sinking deep into my favourite squishy armchair

Curling my legs under me

My mind feels at home in yours –

Getting lost in you like the pages of a book

So good you can’t put it down until the last word is spoken

And even then, you crave more

My body feels at home in yours –

Like a plant in the perfect position in a garden

Digging my roots into your warm earth

Sun on my leaves

Watching you

You hula for me

Completely naked

Exposed

I start at the top, appreciating your beauty

My gaze lingering on each part of you

Your eyes, a colour I can’t describe,

Grey-blue like an overcast sky, drawing me in

Your lips, soft and tender, fall slightly open as you see me look at you

Your hair cascades over your shoulders,

Making me want to run my hands through it and brush it from your neck

Your slender neck, that I have kissed so many times but cannot get enough of

Your arms move as you keep the hoop from falling, stabilising and adjusting your balance

Those arms that have encircled me as the hoop encircles your waist

Your long fingers and elegant wrists make slight movements in the air, reminding me of your touch over and inside of me

Your perfect breasts stare me in the face, nipples erect at the thought of me watching you

My gaze moves downwards, away from your face and down over your stomach, echoing the path of kisses I make on my journey from lips to lips

Your sensual hips move round and round,

hypnotising me with their rhythmic sway

I fantasise about holding onto those hips and drawing you close, my breasts against your back

The mound of your sex captivates me, beckoning me towards it, thinking of the warmth and familiarity that lies inside

You turn and I can see your beautiful ass, gentle thrusts as you hula around

Your legs are strong and powerful, I think of the way they close around my head when I am loving you with my tongue

Delicate ankles, adorned with your double entendre tattoo, connecting to your feet and the ground below

Watching you drives me insane

I want you

I crave you

I need you

Gardening

Kneeling on the warm ground,

my hands dirty from digging you in,

Deep into the soft earth

Fingers caressing the soil and your leaves

like butterfly kisses,

Admiring your emerging buds

Tenderly tucking you in

to a bed of dirt and dreams,

Safe now in my garden

Watching the water fall gently

over your form,

Trickling down your spine

Waiting to be sucked up by your roots

as it soaks deep beneath the surface,

Nourishing you from within

Your illness does not define you

Your brain tricking you into cruel confusions, distorted reality