A revolution is an insurrection –

An uprising against the oppressive feelings that held me down,

Defined me by my roles,

Constrained me

This transformation is a liberation –

A rush of freedom bursting forth from within,

A selfish act,

In a good way

My development is a revelation –

A move forward on this previously static life train,

Pushing me onwards,

Enabling growth

This new chapter is a rediscovery –

Opening me up to reveal my true self once again,

As I was before,

Only different

I feel like I know you like the back of my hand –

Your fingers as familiar as my own

Your face an image I know by heart

Your heart may as well live inside me, next to mine

We finish each other’s sentences –

As if our thoughts are one stream of consciousness

In-jokes and references only we understand

So much said in a single look

You have become ingrained in my life – and I in yours

Your home feels like my home

Familiar and comfortable

Safe and warm

I see past what you say, when what you say is a ruse

Your effusive personality sometimes belying your truth

I know what you mean

Even if you can’t speak it

Considering the brevity of our partnership

The depth of connection still surprises me

Knowing you like I have known you my whole life

Was there ever a time when this was not true?

Parting from you will be like losing a part of myself

Parting from you will not be a simple separation…

When you combine two pieces of dough and then split them again, how can you tell which part belonged where?

When you glue two sheets of paper together and rip them apart, pieces from each will remain on the other

When you mix soil from one plant with that of another and then replant each one, there will always be overlap

When two pools of water merge and then flow away again, droplets from one will be present in the other

Now that “you” and “I” have become “us”, how will we separate into two again?

Hearts so connected that it feels like we share an aorta, brains in tune as if we have mastered telepathy, bodies joined and souls intertwined

Distance can tear us apart

but part of you will still be me

Sometimes,

I just want to sit

and ask you about your life

hear you get lost in a story

from a time before I knew you

Sometimes,

I want to hold you close

feel your breath catch in your throat

and release again

as the tears finally flow

Sometimes,

I want to sit across from you

on your bed that holds

so many memories

and stare deep into your soulful eyes

Sometimes,

I want to hold your hand

feel the shape of your fingers

intertwined with mine

and never let go

Sometimes,

I want to feel you inside me

and me inside you

make your heart beat faster

and your body tingle

Sometimes,

I want you to snuggle in

bury your head under my arm

tell me your darkest fears

and share your secrets

Sometimes,

I want to cook with you

moving around the kitchen

like we have been dancing together

our whole lives

Sometimes,

I want to kiss you softly

your lips parting

my warm tongue probing

butterflies growing

Sometimes,

I want to wake up before you

gaze at your beauty

imagine what we could have

if forever was a choice for us

Sometimes,

I want to tickle you

laugh when we fall to the floor

gasping for breath

and feeling so much joy

Sometimes,

I want to cry

I see the way you look at me

and know how I feel about you

and it is almost too much to bear

Drink me up like a hot cup of tea, slurp me, the first sip burning your tongue, scorching, tingling

Put me in your pipe and smoke it, toke it, inhale me like your favourite scent, get high on my fumes and never come down

Inject me like a drug, shoot me up, coarsing through your bloodstream like erythrocytes laden with oxygen

Tattoo me on your body, mark my name on your skin, painful and permanent, a lasting reminder of me

Bathe in me, soak in my touch, like water slightly too hot, uncomfortable and raw, ’till the skin on your fingertips wrinkles, but yet you stay

Drive me, ride me, a motorcycle hot between your strong thighs, rev me and feel my power underneath you

Bleed me, when you are cut open, sticky and wet, slow to clot, seeping away

Fall into me, disappear, a deep well, a black hole in the night sky. Time warping and the moon waxing and waning

Walk over me like hot coals, burning your feet, flames moving up and licking your body as I consume you

I am transparent, clear as an acetate sheet

You are frosted glass, mysterious and veiled

I wear my heart on my sleeve, naked and vulnerable

Yours is safely ensconced in your chest, just out of reach

I am an open book, my story on show for all to see

You are a bookmarked place, effort required to open your pages

I say what I think, fearless and bold and sometimes unwieldy

You keep your thoughts in your head, your words a curated version allowed to push free

I show my feelings readily, words tumbling straight from my heart

You take your time, checking you are sure before they break forth

But we are both bold, and brave, and willing to share,

We both talk and love and open ourselves.

You let me see inside of you,

and you join me in the haven I have created for you inside of me.

I have climbed the wall around your heart and sit now on the other side,

Holding your head to my chest and listening to your words.

They judge and they criticise and spout their vitriol

Damning and damaging and bringing people down

What happened inside of their souls

To make them this cold, this bitter?

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone

The people throwing insults and judgements around like confetti would do well to remember that

Using my God of love as an excuse for hate

But their hatred is met with a wall…

Of love

Tolerance

Understanding

Learning

At times we get it wrong, forget to check our privilege

Ask someone to do the emotional labour for us

But we try

And we try

And it does not go unnoticed

Many small voices will rise up and be heard

Love drowning out hate

Until the bigots are overthrown

Tarred with their own brush

Forced to see the injustice

The truth

Your body marked by the pain of your past,

A constellation of scars down your left arm,

Like stars in the night sky

I kiss each one tenderly,

Willing my touch to heal your hurts

Wounds from long before I knew you,

Healed,

On the surface at least

You let me in,

Sharing some of what’s going on in your mind

The dichotomy between body and brain

A cruel trick played on yourself

My heart breaks when you talk of your envy of those who are ill

I can’t know these feelings, yours and not mine

But I can listen

When I leave you

part of my heart

will stay

And I wouldn’t want it any other way

In our impossible future,

We would be best friends

Lovers and companions

Partners ’till the end.

Living for the moment,

Giving it our all

The thrilling and the day-to-day

Having a f*cking ball!

In our impossible future,

Tenderness would prevail

With soft hands & gentle words

How could this ever fail?

Living in domestic bliss,

Our two lives combined

Comfortable and normal

Our relationship refined.

In our impossible future,

Sex would be divine

No decrease in appetites

Even after year nine!

Chilling in our spa bath

Caressing your smooth skin

I would love you every day

And slip my fingers in!

In our impossible future,

It’s more than I can bear

Thinking of us at fifty

Me still washing your hair.

Introducing you to all my friends

You cannot fail to impress

Picturing our wedding day

Deciding on a dress!

In our impossible future,

We would have it made

Glad that we had persevered

And you’d moved, or I’d stayed…

My family your biggest fans,

And yours the same with me

Everything out in the open

Normal as can be.

But our impossible future

Is all an abstract dream

You and me in years to come

A sight that’s left unseen

This wonderfully brilliant thing we have

Must end for us quite soon

But our connection can never end

My gorgeous, lovable loon!