How to miss someone

Step 1) Make an album on your phone of photos of them, pictures of gifts they have given you, and some of things that just remind you of them

Step 2) Pore over said album obsessively, whenever you think of them – first thing in the morning, on the loo in your lunch break at work, in the dead of night when you can’t sleep

Step 3) Deliberate on all the memories evoked from completing steps 1 and 2, and cry until your tears have run dry and you need a drink of water to replace the lost fluid from weeping so much

Step 4) Find every message they ever sent you – unless you updated your phone and forgot to back them up. In which case, find the screenshots you took of the messages they sent you and ruminate on them instead

Step 5) Repeat steps 2 and 3 with the material from step 4

Step 6) Finally fall asleep, exhausted and alone, before commencing the process again each new day

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